Friendship 201

Even though they live across the pond in the African bush, Mr. Beless & I continue to be discipled in the ways of friendship by these two. 

If you don't remember, Grant & Brooks were Young Guns together at Pine Cove, chopping brush & building things, including the beginnings of a deep friendship that would carry them through three years of living together in the 1804 Leona house in College Station. 

Five hundred miles north, Elizabeth & I connected through the dear old KKG house at the University of Arkansas where we roomed together for the next three years. 

The four of us met, completely independently of one another, hit it off to the point of choosing to spend the rest of our lives together (in married-couple fashion), and now we're best friends, married to best friends.

As you can imagine, Grant & Elizabeth hugely impact on the way Brooks & I go about doing life, as well as our marriage. [Check out Friendship 101 for more on that.] A little over a month ago the Seifrieds returned home for some work stateside & a chance to reconnect with those they love. The four of us had been dreaming of our reunion for months prior, hoping for a place to laugh, share stories, eat well, and catch up on life. Guess what? It happened! 

We realize the value of our friendship to one another & want to continue to create opportunities for continued growth, so we've planned to do a retreat of sorts at least once a year for the rest of forever. How fun is that?! I'm telling you, the thought to pray for such goodness never even crossed our minds!

The first evening of our little getaway the men asked the ladies to help brainstorm what we want these times together to look like. Pen in hand, Elizabeth scribed as we rattled off the following criteria:

-Good eats
-Guy/Girl catch up time
-Friendship & marriage review

As we continued talking, we came up with a few questions that we plan to ask each other each year during our friendship & marriage review:


-How have we loved you well as your friends?
-How can we love you better?

-What victories have you experienced in your marriage this year?
-What hardships have you undergone this year?
-In what areas have you seen or experienced growth in your marriage this year? 
-What areas need work?

The next evening we had our first annual Beless/Seifried friendship & marriage review over a delicious steak dinner (bonus!). Truly, there are no words to communicate what a sweet time that was for the four of us. I am continually amazed at how life-giving it is to both know & be known. I'm sharing all of this because I want to encourage you (both married & single friends) to engage in intentional, life-giving conversations with the friends that you do have in hopes of building into & cultivating greater depth within those relationships, even if they're not best friend status (yet). It is such a valuable & time-worthy endeavor!

How do you cultivate depth of friendship within your relationships?
What questions would you want to ask or be asked if you held a friendship/marriage review of your own?

Something Added.

I snuggled up to my big man & lay my head on his chest. A tear slipped out one eye & rolled down into the other, which turned on the slow trickle that's hard to cut off once it gets going. Breathing in & out I told myself the same thing I'd said over & over as we approached this day, "It's only a month and the sooner it starts, the sooner it's over." My mind drifted to my neighbors who recently kissed their husbands goodbye until next summer. Whew, a few weeks apart is nothing in comparison.

Regardless, whether a day, a week, or for months at a time, I do not like doing life without Mr. Beless by my side. Our last extended time apart took place in February when he went away for work. To be honest, that one didn't go so well for me, which elicited some anxiety as we approached yet another period of physical separation. I prayed a lot, talked with other Army wives, and tried to be proactive in developing a healthier approach so that it wouldn't be broadsided again. My theme for the month became, "Something added," instead of, "Something's missing." 

Last time Brooks was away I really believed I was missing out on something I deserved. That's a pretty dreary way of doing life for a month, especially since time with Brooks is a gift, not something I deserve. This time I've tried to look for the undeserved gifts that God has given to me and oh my, they are abundant!

Plus some mental pictures of time spent with Meredith/Reece/Kimberly/Suzanne!

The best part is that all of the 'somethings added' point to the One Who gives & gives & gives:

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17

Where's the TV?

Until a few months ago that was one of the first questions people asked when they came into our home. "We don't have one," we'd respond, to which we'd receive a remark of disbelief, a stunned facial expression, or most commonly (and my personal favorite), a combination of the two. Brooks & I don't have moral convictions against TV. We just don't have one. After people got over the initial shock of hearing the news they'd ask, "What do you do?" or "How do you do that?" Here's our answer to those that ask:

1. We read. 

Brooks & I started reading together when we were dating. We read our first book Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy independently & talked about it casually. The next book we read aloud, mostly Brooks reading to me. It's one of our favorites. Other reads we've enjoyed include: Sacred Marriage, The Meaning of Marriage & The Hunger Games trilogy, to name a few. And every year we choose a Bible Reading Plan as a means by which to read through Scripture together on a daily basis.  

2. We talk, like friends do. 

Pretty simple. Check this out if you've forgotten how to be a good friend to your spouse, family member, or roommate.

Normally we don't look this cute doing so (engagement photos, ha)!

3. We cook & we eat. 

We value our health, so we make an effort to buy groceries on a weekly basis, to research nutritious (and delicious!) recipes, & to try new things. Sometimes we cook together, sometimes I have dinner ready when Brooks gets home. Either way, we sit down at our dinner table, enjoy good eats, & catch up. 

4. We exercise. 

Again, we're passionate about pursuing good health. We enjoy going to the gym at the same time when our schedules allow it, & after dinner in the evenings (when it's not too stinking hot) we walk around our neighborhood. 

5. We travel. 

Our travel bucket list is growing by the day with family + friends scattered throughout the world. We make it a point to pay them a visit. We also keep a list of places of interest that are nearby, and explore them when we're able.

If you walk into our house today, you will now find a TV in our living room. My parents gave us gift cards to Best Buy to purchase one for my birthday. We are really grateful for it. While we still don't have cable or dish, we do enjoy watching movies and the occasional mini-series (Downton Abbey, anyone?). Hear me when I say: TV isn't a bad thing. We just don't prioritize it when there are so many other fun things to do!

 What do you + yours enjoy doing besides watching TV?

The little book of 'I love you'

It's been a minute. Alright, you caught me. Maybe it's been more like a month (or two). You want the truth? Back in February, Brooks went to a month-long training for work. Unlike the last time he left for an extended period of time, I decided to abstain from all social media while he was away. That decision was motivated by a desire to cultivate an environment of solitude and carve out some extra time with the Lord. 

When Brooks got back I resumed my use of IG, facebook and twitter, but I've felt a little rusty when it comes to blogging. Before he left I put together a little book for him and posted a picture of it on IG. A few of you asked me to blog about it, and I figure this is a nice way to ease my way back into the swing of things. 

[Note: I used my Christmas present from Brooks to take these photos!]

Husband and I never really know what to anticipate when it comes to communication when we're separated in physical proximity for work stuff. Sometimes we are able to text message, Skype, or talk on the phone, and other times we can only hope to receive a letter in the mail. This little book was a way for me to make sure that I got to tell Brooks, "I love you," every day, regardless of whether or not we were able to talk on the phone. 

The book itself is from the crafter's paradise, aka: Hobby Lobby. You can find it in the scrapbooking section for less than five bucks. 

Everything else is just a compilation of scrapbook paper and other stuff that I've collected in my craft box.

I made one page for each day he was away. 

As I made each page, I hoped to accomplish one of the following things:

To encourage Brooks with truth.

To remind him of who he is.

And to communicate how deeply he is loved.

If you decide to make one of these books for someone, try to give yourself enough time to put thought into each page. I tried knocking out ten pages in one day and it was just too much. But this prayer calendar helped spark ideas when I was running out of them!

How do you say "I love you," when you're not able to do so face-to-face? With this Army life I am going to need lots of ideas! Please do share yours! 

The Last First Date

"I got a phone call from a past Forgie yesterday. He asked me on a date. I don’t know him at all. In all honesty I can only remember having one psuedo-conversation with him a few weeks ago on move-in day at the Forge. But from what I’ve heard it seems as though his peers and authorities respect him, he’s driven, God-fearing, and really pursuing Christ. I’ve also heard that he doesn’t pursue girls flippantly, which is honorable..."

That is an excerpt from my journal on September 23, 2010. 
Fast forward about a week to October 3. The journal reads,

"I am trying to process through the thoughts and feelings I’ve had over the past 48 hours regarding my date with Brooks. He picked me up at the Forge apts and we went to dinner, then coffee, and then he asked if I’d like to go to the REI garage sale in Dallas the next morning… I said yes. We drove to Dallas and met some class of ’10 Forgies camping on the sidewalk outside the store. 

That being said, we had lots of “windshield time” (as Brooks called it) to talk as we drove back and forth from Dallas. I was surprised to find out how much we have in common. I’m not necessarily talking about our interests, though we do have similar interests, but our personalities. For instance, he is a Lion/Beaver. I am a Lion/Beaver. He is an ISTJ on the Myers/Briggs personality test. So am I. The way he articulates his thoughts and views towards things made me laugh, simply because I’ve never met a guy that seems to think so much like me. We both have strong personalities, but from what I’ve heard, and from what I could discern (over the 15-ish hours I got to spend talking with him), his personality is much stronger than mine. 

I realized when I was on my date with Brooks that I have an immense respect for him even though I hardly know him. During our conversation he spoke a lot of identity into me, whether he realized it or not. When I got home I cried, because the words Brooks had spoken meant so much to me. When he dropped me off on Saturday morning he asked me if I’d like to go on another date. I said yes. I have more thoughts on this but I feel like I’m at a good stopping point for now."

October 1, 2010. 
So thankful that on this day, two years ago, 
I had my last first date with this man! 

[I scoped this photo out more than once, as it was Brook's profile pic around that time.

What a hunk!]

Happy two years of life together, Husband! 

I love you more today than ever! 

Another hundred half-years

Six months ago you would have found me playfully dancing around a small room, dressed in white from head-to-toe. 

My dearest friends were there too, witnessing some of my sillier moments as I anxiously awaited the moment I'd been anticipating for exactly 302 days. Well, that's not really fair. I suppose if I'm honest I should say I'd been looking forward that moment all my life. 

The moment I got to exchange these promises...

with my dearest friend...

This moment.

 Happy six months, sweet Husband! Half-a-year of...

laughter

 transition

work

silliness

adventure

 travel

play

communication

love

and oneness.

May the Lord bless us with at least another hundred half-years together. You are and always will be my Love.

Transitions

A few days back I received this text message:

This friend of mine [who happens to be a great at all things technical... check it out] once shared with me that effective bloggers post on a consistent basis, at an ideal time of day, with a sufficient amount of words [but not too many] and pictures [of decent quality]. 

Oops.

So, what does it look like to blog with this handsome guy at home? 

I have no idea. 

Quite honestly, Brooks and I have struggled to find our routine since his return home from Ranger School. The first few days we didn't even know how long it would take us to make breakfast, get ready, clean up and get ourselves out the door to make it somewhere on time. At times, this caused a bit of friction. But I assure you we are both beyond thankful for the lessons we are learning together in the transition. 

A couple of weeks before my hubby's return I read this post written by Kevin East, the former Executive Director of Ministries at Pine Cove. Kevin shares a bit about the transition he and his family are making as they come to the end of their time at Pine Cove. 

"...sometimes we find ourselves stuck somewhere in between what has been – and what could be.

That in-between time is what is known as a transition.  Transitions occur in the lives of business people, ministry leaders, moms, students, the churched and the un-churched.  For Christ-followers, these times of transition aren’t just about a job change or a change in where you live.  God does some of his most important formational work in the hearts of leaders during such times." 

What helpful words for those of us in the military who are, or are becoming, quite familiar with the process of moving from one way of life to another. 

Over the past five months Brooks and I went from: 

• being single to married.
• living in Oklahoma [me] & Georgia [Brooks], to living together [in Georgia], to living separately again [Ranger School].
• talking on the phone & Skype, to talking in person, to writing letters.
• living together again after Brooks completed Ranger School, yippie! 
• being here [in Georgia] to preparing for our upcoming move to Ft. Hood [in Texas]. 

Through all of this we have learned a few things:

• Recognize your expectations, so they don't broadside you. 
• Communicate, communicate, communicate. Lots of people told us this before we were married. It is true.
• Be patient... patient as you wait, patient with your spouse, and if you're like me, be especially patient with yourself. 
• Be flexible. You probably aren't going to get it right the first time. That doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to do so, but it is okay to make mistakes as you go along. 
• In the midst of transition, it is most important to seek the Lord and to strive for oneness with your spouse.

I am certain these lessons will continue to unfold as we are in this season of transition. Please pray for us as we prepare to part ways with friends we have made here at Ft. Benning, while looking forward to the friendships we will make at Ft. Hood. You can also be praying that we will find a house, apartment, or some kind of abode to make our home in Texas once again, but together this time! 

For the praise of His glory.

I’ve had a strong aversion toward keeping a blog, but I’ve been encouraged to do so by a number of people, the most convincing being my husband, Brooks. My hope is that it will serve as a place to document what the Lord is doing in our lives. Brooks and I believe that God has given us great purpose in where He leads us. We also believe that who we are is not determined by what we do. Rather, what we do is determined by who we are. That being said, before I begin telling you what we do, I think it’s appropriate to tell you who we are.

As many of you know, Brooks and I met through a leadership program called the Forge in Tyler, TX. God used the program to solidify His calling in both of our lives. For Brooks, that calling is to be a man after God’s own heart. Those of you that know Brooks know that justice and integrity drive him. I found that incredibly attractive. I wanted to follow a man that was able to see what is right and do it. I told him this and we got engaged. 

And married…

There is a bit more to the story than that, but I assume most of you reading are familiar with the details.

I believe my calling is to love, respect and support Brooks as he chases after the very heart of God. What an honor and a blessing that has been to me. Within that calling, I believe God is sending me out to seek for those who are lost to be a guide for people that He has awakened back to their Heavenly Father. 

Together, Brooks and I believe our purpose is to display the covenant-keeping love of God to His people. The greatest expression of this unbending devotion took place over 2,000 years ago on a cross. It was the climax of God’s plan to rescue His people, when he sent His Son Jesus to die for His church, His bride. “That death was the ultimate expression of grace, which is the ultimate expression of God’s glory, which is of infinite value” (John Piper, This Momentary Marriage).

May our lives, marriage and yes, even this blog, be for the praise of His glory.